Why do we celebrate the New Year? I don’t know what it is but we all seem so pleased to have out with the old and in with the new.
A new year — to somehow start fresh, a new beginning hoping this next year will be better than the last.
We create resolutions: We’ll eat a more healthy diet this year and improve our health, stop smoking or drinking, go on a diet — making promises to break for ourselves all over again. I’m starting to feel it not probable that this new year, being any easier than the last unless some changes are made.
It is now Jan. 3, 2013, and my present life’s baggage is still weighing me down. My bankruptcy looms for another four years, we are down to one car due to offspring in need. Even though they are all over 20 years old and not living at home, they’re still my babies no matter what, and I’ll always be there for them if I can.
Now that they have moved out, however, and I’m turning 58 in February, I might be having a midlife crisis — but I am examining which path I might go down in this next stage of my life.
The path I now live, more content with my being but lacking companionship, courtship and any sense of magic as the luster has dimmed on our 30 years of marriage. We are together, but alone in our lives, as everyday stress and mundane monotony push us into our own private worlds devoid of much interest in each other.
I have come to ask myself a few questions.
Number One: Am I happy? That’s such a loaded question. I have to say that no, I’m not that happy lately, and in this new year some change is sorely needed. There are unpleasant scenes in my marriage that have played out time and time again. I won’t go into detail, nor do I have to, as I’m sure I’m not alone when I say my relationship is in need some tweaking to make it work. The script that we’ve written doesn’t seem to change in its malfunction making us both the guilty party over and over again.