Turkish Kurds fight for their lives inside their own country. China and Japan are bickering. Europe is bankrupt. Mexico is held hostage by the drug dealers. Canada is held hostage by the NHL. And the Giants’ defensive line is being held without a flag.
There’s arsenic in the rice, mercury in the fish and don’t even get me started on the local cable provider. With “Redneck Vacations,” “Hillbilly Hand Fishing,” “Dance Moms” and “Beverly Hills Nannies,” TV today makes Gilligan look like the professor. The only movies being made are sequels, and newspapers and post offices are going out of business.
The economy is tanking but people are still buy soda by the barrel, chips by the duffle bag and burgers by the herd. They’re burning gas, swiping plastic and smoking cigarettes like there are more than just the two ends of the candle to burn. And they’re still drinking and driving like everyone’s entitled to an endless mulligan.
I really shouldn’t complain, but I don’t like giving speeches. I only know the same as everyone else, so why point out the obvious. The priest blesses the holy water before going fishing while the rabbi declares it kosher. The imam khatib, notably perturbed, wants everyone to keep their hands off his mekhallel.
I’m a fairly happy individual with no answers and no secret portals to enlightenment. I’m just another member of the Ne’er Do Wells paying my dues. I’m disturbed by that war in Iraq, the murder of John Lennon and what they have to do with God’s agenda for the universe.
My wife, bless her soul, doesn’t deserve me, but she’s the only one who understands.
She offers a cup of tea without brandy to soothe my soul, but we don’t have any brandy, so I’ll have a tea without vodka instead, as I prepare my speech that will be more to the short and less to the point, sort of like a gherkin.
Willie Kiernan is a past editor of the Cazenovia Republican and a contributing columnist. He can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.