Am I really the person that I choose to let people see, or am I really the person that I don’t let anyone see?
It’s amazing to me, that in my new self induced chore of being honest with myself I realize that I’ve always felt like a sham. Like I’m not quite living up to who I project myself to be.
I’ve always been a people-pleaser and an over-doer. I’m an artist creating fantastic pieces (according to others) and I have an eye for seeing something in a piece be it wood or trash that I can recreate into some kind of piece of art.
I’ve been carving a lot of phalluses lately, getting ready for the Cazenovia Arts Winterfest Show. They make such a powerful male statement so easily. I guess I’m into that lately, making statements. I like my piece quite a lot, so far. I am loving the recycling of objects often garnished through the generous allowance of my dumpster diving at the Transfer Station. Granted, I’m a bit out-a-wack — but aren’t we all in our own ways?
I do, do all the voluntary work I’ve mentioned in my past columns (still getting a kick out of saying that) and I still somehow manage to make myself feel as if I’m not doing all that I can do.
I don’t do it for fear of not going to heaven, if there really is one, as I’m out of luck on that score anyway and no matter how much I do to help others, that fact probably won’t change. I’ve had too much fun in this life to join in on that trip to the sky. I think I volunteer because I care, the bonus being it always seems to make me feel better about myself.